One Midsummer Night

What follows is the first draft of the short play I was forced to whip out for English Drama Club due to a lack of anything at the ESL level that could be considered interesting that I could find online. It is based, obviously, on Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream and is designed to be easy to read and very high-energy. A few small liberties were taken with some details just to make everything go faster. Enjoy!

Characters

Narrator/Puck: A mischievous spirit who controls the action

Theseus & Hippolyta: Duke of Athens & his fiancé

Egeus: Father to Hermia

Lysander: In love with Hermia

Demetrius: In love with Hermia, engaged to Hermia

Bottom & the Mechanicals: A foolish weaver with dreams of glory and his companions

Hippolyta: Betrothed to Theseus

Hermia: Daughter of Egeus, in love with Lysander but engaged to Demetrius

Helena: In love with Demetrius

Oberon & Titania & the Faeries: King & Queen & their subjects in the realm of Faerie

ONE MIDSUMMER NIGHT

(The stage is bare, except for perhaps a tree. We are deep in the forest, where the faeries live. Music plays, and they all enter, singing and dancing. Leading the song is Puck, the most mischievous of all the creatures in the forest and the henchman of the Faerie King, Oberon. When Puck tells his story, the faeries put on costume pieces and play the parts.)

All Faeries Sing:

Over hill, over dale,
Through bush, through brier,
Over park, over pale,
Through flood, through fire!
I do wander everywhere,
Swifter than the moon's sphere;
And I serve the Fairy Queen,
To dew her orbs upon the green –

Puck: QUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!

(All the faeries immediately freeze and the music stops.)

Puck: We are not alone! We are being watched!

(All the faeries slowly turn to look at the audience. Puck approaches the edge of the stage.)

Puck: (to the audience) Well, what do you want? (There is silence.) Do you want to hear a story? (Again, the audience is silent.) Well, do you? Do you want a story or not? (To the faeries) Do you want to hear a story?

All Faeries:

Yes! Yes! Tell us a story, Robin! We want a story! Please, please!

Puck: A story then! I will tell you my favorite story! It is a story about the stupidity of humans! The stupidity of love! And the cleverness of me, Robin Goodfellow! (All the faeries cheer.) It begins one midsummer night in the city of Athens, not far from here, where Egeus has a complaint for Duke Theseus…

(Six faeries rise and become Theseus, Hippolyta, Egeus, Hermia, Demetrius, and Lysander.)

Egeus: Theseus, my daughter Hermia is supposed to marry Demetrius. But Lysander has put a love spell on her! She won’t listen to me!

Theseus: Hermia, listen to your father.

Hermia: I don’t want to!

Theseus: I’m too busy getting ready for my own wedding to deal with this. We’ll just have Lysander put to death.

Hermia: Lysander, run!

(Hermia and Lysander flee.)

Demetrius: Wait! Hermia, I love you!

(Demetrius runs after Hermia and Lysander.)

Theseus: Well, I’m glad that’s over.

(Helena comes running in.)

Helena: Has anyone seen Demetrius?

Theseus: He went that way, Helena. If you marry him, it will save us all a lot of trouble.

Helena: Thanks!

(Helena runs after Demetrius and all the faeries return to their spots as Puck steps forward again.)

Puck: And so, the stupid lovers ran off into the forest. My forest. (The faeries cheer.) At the same time, there was a meeting going on. At the meeting were handymen. We’ll call them the Mechanicals. The Mechanicals were very stupid and very loud. And the stupidest, loudest one of all was Bottom.

(A few faeries jump up to represent the Mechanicals. Bottom, their leader, gets a cane and a hat.)

Bottom: The Duke’s wedding is coming up, and we Mechanicals have nothing planned for him!

Mechanical 1: Not true, Bottom! We have something! A play!

Bottom: A play?

Mechanical 2: The Sad Comedy and Hilarious Death of Pyramus and Thisbe.

Bottom: I like it! I shall play Pyramus! And Thisbe!

Mechanical 2: I shall play the moon!

Mechanical 3: And I the lion!

Mechanical 1: Lion?

Bottom: Okay, but it must be a baby lion. A big lion would scare the women, and then Theseus would have us killed.

Mechanical 3: Meow.

Mechanical 1: When shall we rehearse?

Bottom: Tomorrow! In the woods!

(Bottom and his friends exit. Puck comes forward again. As he talks, the four lovers and the Mechanicals appear to explore the woods behind him.)

Puck: And so all the stupid humans ran off into our forest, where I saw them first. And of course, I ran off to tell our king, Oberon. (Oberon rises, marked by a crown. Oberon speaks like the faerie playing him is making fun of him. Puck runs up to him.) Oberon! Oberon!

Oberon: Blah blah blah?

Puck: There are humans in our forest!

Oberon: Blah blah. Blah blah blah blah?

Puck: Oh yes, King, they are all very ugly.

Oberon: Blah blah blah Titania blah!

Puck: Ah, you think your wife Titania is unfaithful and you want me play a prank on her with the humans? Good thing! You are the King of Faeries, but I am the King of Pranks!

(Puck laughs as Oberon becomes a faerie again. Bottom and the Mechanicals enter. Titania enters and goes to sleep on the side of the stage.)

Bottom: Again, from the top! The moon rises! (Mechanical 2 stands up.) “Oh Thisbe!” “Yes, Pyramus?” “I love you!” (He kisses his own hand.)

Mechanical 1: Break time!

Mechanical 2: Let’s get some lunch!

Mechanical 3: I want pizza!

(The Mechanicals exit, leaving Bottom still kissing his hand.)

Puck: I think this is the dumbest of all the humans! This flower will make the queen love whoever she first sees when she wakes up!

(Puck runs up to Titania and sprinkles the petals of a flower on her eyelids.)

Puck: Hmm… but maybe the human isn’t ugly enough! (He runs up to Bottom.) Sleep! (Bottom immediately drops to the ground, asleep.) Wow, I’m surprised that worked! Hmm… what would be worse for the Queen to wake up to than you? How about… a donkey! (One of the faeries tosses Puck a donkey mask and he puts it on Bottom’s head.) Okay, now wake up!

(Both Bottom and Titania wake up. The look at each other and immediately stand.)

Bottom: Who are you?

Titania: The love of your life, you beautiful donkey man!

Bottom: Hee-haw!

Titania: You are as wise as you are beautiful! Come, my servants will rub your feet.

Bottom: Cool!

(Titania grabs Bottom and they both run off.)

Puck: Meanwhile, I crept through the forest to find the other four stupid humans. The ones who were all in love. But Oberon found them first.

(Oberon enters, followed by Helena and Demetrius.)

Helena: Why don’t you love me, Demetrius?

Demetrius: Oh, let me see. You’re loud, you complain a lot, you cry all the time… (Helena starts crying.)

Puck: Oberon felt sorry for poor Helena and gave little old me another job to do.

Oberon: Puck, blah blah blah. Love blah blah.

Puck: Make them all love the right person? But that’s no fun!

Oberon: Blah blah blah! Pranks blah blah.

(Oberon leaves. Puck sticks his tongue out at Oberon.)

Puck: You can’t tell a Puck to not play pranks! I will make a show of these silly humans! Now where are they?

(Demetrius, Hermia, Helena, and Lysander all enter and lie down, asleep.)

Puck: Here they are! Just a little bit of my flower should do the trick! (Puck applies the flower to Lysander’s eyes and Demetrius’ eyes.) This should be fun. (Puck goes to the background to watch as Lysander and Helena awaken.)

Lysander: Good morning, Helena. You look very beautiful this morning.

Helena: Why would you say something like that?

Lysander: Because I love you!

Helena: No, you don’t! You love Hermia!

Demetrius: (waking up.) Helena! My love!

Helena: What? No, you both love Hermia, not me!

Hermia: (waking up.) Good morning, gentlemen.

Demetrius: You’re interrupting Helena, you dog!

Lysander: Yeah, shut up Hermia!

Hermia: What?

Helena: I know, right? This is confusing.

Demetrius: It’s not confusing. It’s love!

Lysander: Take your hands off my Helena, villain!

Helena: Stop it! I know you’re just messing with me!

Demetrius: I would never!

Hermia: Why doesn’t anyone think I’m pretty anymore?

Lysander: Because you’re not!

(Hermia runs off, crying.)

Helena: Would somebody please tell me what’s going on?

Lysander and Demetrius: I love you!

Helena: You guys are jerks!

(Helena runs off, crying.)

Lysander: Demetrius look over there! (Lysander points in the other direction from where Helena ran and Demetrius looks. Lysander runs off after Helena.)

Demetrius: What is it? (Realizes what happened.) You villain!

(Demetrius runs off after Lysander.)

Puck: Meanwhile, somewhere else in the forest…

(Bottom and Titania enter and lie down. Faeries surround them, feeding them and rubbing their feet.)

Titania: Are you pleased, my love?

Bottom: This. Is. Awesome. Hee-haw! I wonder how the play is coming along.

Puck: So at least Bottom was having fun. But Oberon had some words for poor little me.

Oberon: Puck! Blah blah blah! Hahahaha!

Puck: Yeah, the donkey head was a pretty great idea.

Oberon: But Puck! Blah blah blah blah love!

Puck: What do you mean I messed up with the humans? It’s hilarious!

Oberon: Blah blah blah blah.

Puck: Fine. I’ll fix it. You ruin all my fun. (Oberon exits.) And so I crept through the forest, looking for the humans again, because Oberon didn’t think my prank was funny. (Faeries all boo. Demetrius, Lysander, and Helena all enter.)

Demetrius: I love you more than life itself!

Lysander: I love you more than I love fried chicken!

Helena: Stop it! You’re so mean! Why can’t you just leave me alone and go back to Hermia?

Lysander: I don’t love Hermia, I love you!

Demetrius: Me too!

Helena: Ahh!

Puck: Everybody sleep! (The three humans fall asleep.) Okay, now we wait for Hermia. Oh, here she is now! (Hermia enters.)

Hermia: Hmm, everybody is sleeping. Well, when in Rome! (Hermia lies down and falls asleep.)

Puck: And now to do as Oberon says. Prank, be undone! (Puck showers Lysander in glittering dust.) And leave the other human, he says. I don’t know why, though. Wake up!

(Hermia and Lysander wake up.)

Lysander: Hermia! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!

Hermia: To apologize, I hope.

Lysander: For what?

Hermia: For being so mean!

Lysander: Was I? I mean, of course I was! I am so sorry, Hermia!

Hermia: That’s better.

Demetrius: Good morning, Helena, my love.

Helena: Oh, no!

Demetrius: I thought you loved me, Helena!

Helena: I did, until you started making fun of me.

Demetrius: I would never do that! I love you with all my heart!

Helena: Really?

Demetrius: Of course!

Puck: So with all as it should be, the four lovers ran back to Rome to tell everyone, just in time for the Duke’s wedding, and Bottom’s play.

(Theseus, Hipployta, Hermia, Helena, Demetrius, and Lysander take their seats to watch the play. Bottom and the Mechanicals enter. Bottom still has the donkey’s head on.)

Bottom: Haw!

Puck: Oops, I forgot! Sorry! Prank be undone! (Puck takes the mask off of Bottom.)

Bottom: Wow, that was weird. Where am I?

Theseus: On with the show!

Bottom: Oh! The show!

Mechanical 1: The Sad Comedy and Hilarious Death of Pyramus and Thisbe! We begin!

Mechanical 2: The moon rises! (He stands up.)

Mechanical 1: Pyramus and Thisbe are separated by me, the Wall! They can only speak through a small crack!

(Bottom jumps between sides of the wall as he switches between Pyramus and Thisbe.)

Bottom: Wall, show me the crack! (Mechanical 1 makes an “O” with his fingers.) Thanks, Wall! Thisbe! (switch.) Yes, Pyramus? (switch.) I love you. (switch.) I love you, too! (switch.) If only you weren’t on the other side of this wall! (switch) It’s much too high to climb! (switch.) Oh no, a lion!

Mechanical 3: Meow! (Mechanical 3 pretends to bite Bottom, who is playing Thisbe.)

Bottom: Oh, I am dead! (switch.) Thisbe! Nooooooo! I’m so sad. I have nothing to live for but death! (Bottom, as Pyramus, takes out a knife and mimes stabbing himself.) I am dead, too!

Mechanical 2: The moon goes down! The end!

(All the faeries and other characters cheer.)

Puck: And so, thanks to me, everything worked out for all the humans, even Bottom, who went on to become a movie star! The end!

(Faeries all stand and cheer and dance around, then suddenly stop and freeze, except for Puck, who approaches the edge of the stage.)

Puck

If we shadows have offended,

Think but this and all is mended –

That you have but slumbered here

While these visions did appear!

Give me your hands if we be friends,

And Robin shall restore amends!

THE END.